The First Loss
by Cartoon Cow
Summary: Spencer has his 'first loss' as Gideon calls it. "But I know now that I do belong here, and the first loss is something every police officer will have to go through- whether they're just a profiler or not." Bad Summary, please give critique/advice. Rated T to be safe.


**My first Criminal Minds One- Shot. I have several ideas but I'm still learning the show and how it ticks so it may take a while before I post anything multi-chaptered. I know that Spencer was working for Gideon but I'm still a bit confused with how it all works out so the history might be a bit funny. Please read and review!**

**The First Loss ~ POV Spencer Reid **_**(and any italics)**_

_It was the first time I'd ever seen somebody die._

_I mean death is an inevitable occurrence, people die daily and will continue to until something stops the unforgiving circle of life and death._

_But this was different….._

_We slaved for hours and finally identified the unsub, Jinx Martin. About a week ago he kidnapped 16 year old Jenny Lindburg and we found him._

_After raiding the house we found her in the barn outback- cut, bruised, bitten, scarred, and sexually abused. She was in pretty bad shape but looked like she would be ok._

I stood by her hospital bed, members of my team strung out variously among the room.

"Well I think we have done a kick ass job here today people." Derek joked leaning against the wall.

"Amen to that." Gideon nodded.

"I vote, coffee break." Elle said turning to leave the room.

"Agreed." Derek took a deep breath following her out.

Gideon and I stood quietly alone in the room both probably reflecting on the day or at least I knew I was.

"So." Gideon said, "Good job today kid." He smiled patting me on the shoulder.

"Thanks." I nodded. It was true that I was the one who ultimately figure out the killers location and logic but I didn't think I deserved any recognition because the entire team was helping not just me.

"You didn't do half bad for your first day on the job, it got pretty hectic there for a minute." Gideon laughed, "I'm going to grab some coffee as well. Want some?"

"No I'm fine." I replied looking down at the floor as he left.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor reminded me of the good I'd helped do today.

It felt good.

I furrowed my brows, the monitor was speeding up….

I glanced over my shoulder debating on calling for a doctor.

My attention was drawn back to Jenny, who was now sitting straight up gasping for air to fill her lungs

Her body lurched forward, and coughed raggedly- vomit following shortly after.

"D-Doctor!" I yelled from the door way, watching as they raced from behind the ICU counter.

I stepped back into the corner of the room as doctors raced in attempting to assess the situation.

The monitor was beeping wildly as was my heart, what was wrong with her? Why didn't the doctors know this would happen and been prepared to help?

What had this girl done to humanity to deserve this?

I tried moving back more out of the way as the doctors rushed around me but my back was to the cabinets- the only free remaining space in the room.

A doctor rushed towards me pushing me out of the way to reach a drawer.

Jenny was choking now, on her own bloody throw up…..

My stomach churned.

"Sir please leave the room now!" the one of the doctors said.

Jenny was convulsing now, her monitor slowing as he convulsions did.

I nodded sickly as I backed slowly out of the room, my stomach churning in all sorts of funny ways.

I covered my mouth and didn't dare to move- if I did I might have thrown up myself.

_**No POV**_

"I didn't think to ask you while we were on the snack level, did Reid want anything?" Derek asked Gideon over his shoulder.

"No he said he was fine." Gideon replied taking a sip of his coffee as they rounded the doors to ICU.

The team slowed as they saw Spencer back out of the room Jenny was in, his hand slowly raising to his mouth.

Derek sped up his pace first, quickly glancing into the room only to catch a glimpse of blood on the bed before the curtain swished around to hide the world from the rooms contents.

He looked to his partner, "What happened?"

Spencer stood shell shocked, starring straight into the curtain..

"Reid!" Derek said again shaking his shoulder. Reid's face was pale.

Spencer's eyes slowly trailed down the curtain to the floor, his hand dropping to his side.

He looked up at Derek, "S-she I."

"What?" Elle asked impatient.

"She was throwing up, blood. T-then she started convulsing…." Spencer didn't finish, his sentence left hanging open.

"What?" Derek pushed.

"She flat lined." He swallowed.

The team looked at each other, the silenced conversation was being ripped through by the now obnoxiously loud flat line coming from the room.

Derek looked to Gideon, who moved in, "What did we do wrong? I…. I thought she was going to live…..." Spencer said unable to pull his eyes off where he knew Jenny's body would be behind the curtain.

"Sometimes they don't make it. Its just something you have to live with. This is your first loss Spencer. Its going to make you question everything you've known about having this job but think of all the good things that will come out of it as well."

Spencer looked down, "I- uh, I need to go to the bath room." He said walking slowly out of the ICU department.

The team silently looked among each other wondering what to do next.

Coffee didn't seem so appealing anymore, anyway.

* * *

_I was only about 22 then. My stomach still gets upset thinking about the sudden turn in her condition, I don't think the doctors every really specified what was wrong with her to us either. _

_Something about a rat having a deadly disease that was transferred through her open wounds by feces or a bite._

_Gideon was right, it was several days later I was finding myself questioning whether or not I was cut out for the job- and why good people were hurt for no reason._

_The answer, I've found, lies within us. I don't think I will ever forget Jenny's face, or the fact I had overlooked one time too many that cost us time in finding her- time that might have saved her life._

_But I know now that I do belong here, and that the first loss is something every police officer will have to go through- whether they're just a profiler or not._

**So hope you guys enjoyed this. Please review and tell me what you think, it will help in the future when I write. No flames, they burn poor Spencer!**


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